As I shared in a previous post, last year was extremely hard on my mental health. It was during one of my low points that I prayed a prayer that I regretted almost immediately.

Every year, the Nazarene churches in my district gather for their annual gathering. The last service of the week is an ordination service, where new ministers are ordained for vocational ministry.

My son was nine months old and I was struggling to let other people help me. He had some respiratory issues in the spring that left me anxious and overprotective.

Because of that, I stood just outside the services and watched from the foyer while I rocked him.

My Prayer

As the ordination portion of the service began, my son was asleep in my arms.

Bubbling up from the most anxious parts of my mama heart, I prayed:

“God, please, call my son to anything except vocational ministry. Spare him the heartache. Please. Amen.”

It may seem strange that a pastor would pray that for her son. At that point, though, I wasn’t sure I’d ever return to vocational ministry beyond preaching occasionally and helping at my church.

In the depths of my hurting and anxiety that year, all I wanted was something easier for my children.

The Response

In the moments that prayer, though, the answer came clearly: God had called me and could call them. But that would be up to God.

The preacher during the service shared about how the call to ministry is often one for the whole family. The same God who called me is faithful to also call and carry my family in their roles.

Since Then

In the year that has passed since then, a lot has happened. I returned to the lead pastorate and now pastor a small church locally. We’ve even brought home a third child!

My children have been loved and embraced by this new congregation. My daughter has shown a real gift for caring for other people and seems to love inserting herself in all areas of ministry.

I don’t know what the future holds for me or my kids, but I trust that the God who created all things will create a future for them. I trust that the future, though it may hold hard things, will also include the comforting embrace of God’s Spirit.

I may regret that prayer I prayed from one of my lowest points, but I do not regret the path I’ve taken since then.