Have you ever taken an assessment to see what your strengths are? I’ve taken the Strengths Finder 2.0 test three times, and “empathy” has been in my top two every single time. When I take the Fivefold Ministry assessment (and others like it), “shepherd” or “pastor” tend to be my top result.

While I know that my empathy allows me to care about people in a very real way, sometimes it seems like that strength has made me too soft for the world we live in.

Alex Pretti’s Death

I wrote the rest of this post back in December but never published it. However, after the violent murder of Alex Pretti in broad daylight, it’s clearly time to say something.

His death has impacted me significantly. I watched the videos where he is disarmed, beaten, then shot. And if being shot several times wasn’t enough, the agents standing over his body clapped. This cruelty should shock us all, but unfortunately it seems there are some still determined to make excuses for cruelty, so long as it’s carried out by “their side.”

I’m Too Soft

I have a really hard time with both social media and the news. It seems like there’s so much hurting around me. Even worse, it feels like people are determined to think the worst of each other. Because of this, hurtful rhetoric is thoughtlessly tossed from all sides.

I tend to really internalize things I hear and read online. When someone says something horrible about all women, as a woman I feel hurt (even if I know that thing isn’t true). When they say something critical about people who share my views, I wonder if they realize they’re talking about me when they say those things.

I cannot help but think about how I’m too soft for this world. It inevitably hurts me. If I had a thicker skin, everyday comments wouldn’t impact me the way they do.

And Yet, I’m Not Soft Enough

However, I only think I’m too soft for the world when I’m measuring myself by the world’s standards. When I measure my heart against Scripture, I find myself praying, “God, make me softer.”

The world celebrates cutting remarks and quick comebacks. But Scripture reminds us that kind words and wise speech are better (Proverbs 16:23-24).

The world tells us that we should be tougher than our competition. Scripture reminds us that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

The world says we should keep score to protect ourselves and hold others accountable. God’s Word reminds us that love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).

I cannot read these passages without seeing a hundred ways I’m not soft enough. If I’m taking Scripture seriously, following the way of Jesus, I must be softer.

A Prayer for Softness

Maybe, like me, you find yourself praying for God to make you softer. Even if others see you as soft, you know the things you harbor inside: angry words, bitter thoughts, and deepening cynicism.

I write this prayer for myself, also knowing that someone else out there might feel the same way.

Dear God,

Everything around me seems so intense. Evil seems to get more evil. Harm is carried out – sometimes even in Your name. When I look at the world around me, I want to hide myself inside where nothing and no one can hurt me. I want to harden my heart so I can have the strength to make it through tomorrow.

But You, God, give strength to the tenderhearted. You inspire us with Your love and remind us that every person – even those carrying out evil – is made in Your image and loved by You.

Help me see the world through your eyes. With softness and compassion. With a desire to see the world changed for the better.

Amen.